Just the Same
by Tira
Summary: It's all over...but Hawkeye just can't believe it. R&R please.


It's over. I just…I just can't believe that it's actually all over with. That never again will I enter the disgusting Post-Op room. Never again will I enter the make-shift operation room to pull bullets out of kids who can only think about getting out of there and running back to the front line where they will just get sent back to us…or worse. Never again will I have to feel, smell and see as much death as I did in those short two years. Never again will I chase nurses through the compound. Never again…

I keep thinking that it's all some sort of weird dream-or is it a nightmare?-and that I'll wake up any second to the sound of choppers or Radar telling me that Potter wants to see me. I just keep thinking that the next thing that I'll hear is Frank yelling at me to be more soldier-like or to a pre-pubescent trying to play the bugle. I just keep thinking that the next corner I turn is going to lead me to Klinger in one of his dresses. Every blonde I see reminds me of Hotlips Houlihan. I keep thinking that tonight I am going to play poker with Colonel Potter, BJ, Radar, Father Mulcahy and Klinger or that tonight I have Post-Op duty. At the mere sounds of choppers I cringe as the memories of the 4077th are thrown back into my mind. 

I don't want to remember anything that happened there. Sydney said that that was natural but…he doesn't understand the horrors that I saw there. No one does. Not even BJ. BJ…

I spent two years in that hellhole wanting nothing but to get out. And now that I'm out…now that I'm gone, it just doesn't seem…right. 

I miss them all. As much as I hate to admit it, I miss them all so much, even Charles. I miss pulling pranks with BJ. I miss making Hotlips so mad. I miss Radar helping us in our stunts and his constant talk of his hometown. I miss Colonel Potter because he was always like a father to me, a father away from my own, that is. I miss his odd little sayings. I miss Klinger always strutting around in his dresses. I miss BJ.

But it's the people that left us early that I really miss, because it is them that I haven't seen in an even longer time. Every night I raise my glass in honor of Trapper John McIntyre, who somehow managed to get himself out of that cesspool. And amazingly, yes, to Frank Burns, who although made life unbearable sometimes, really had a good heart underneath all the ice. To one of my best friends who died where he should not have; to Tommy who died long before his time. And to the Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake one of the best damn men that I ever knew. We had great times, my old friend, great times. Remember watching your desk fly through the air? I only wish that those times could have lasted a little longer. I only wish that you were still here today. And it is to you, my friends, that I raise my glass to. 

I just keep thinking that it's not possible that I made it out of hell alive. I can't believe it's over and that I'll probably never see any of them again…its kind of…sad. Don't get me wrong or anything, I'm so happy that the war's over and I hope that I'll never have to look at another gunshot wound in the gut. But it's just kind of strange…never to see BJ again…never to aggravate Hotlips…or Charles…

We made so many memories in the 4077th. Some good, some bad. Missing Trapper's flight…Potter…watching a one hundred year old desk being flown through the air by a chopper…drawing blood from Frank…two days straight of meatball surgery…Tommy…Fixing Radar up with a girl…Henry…writing letters home to Dad…playing football around the compound…Radar's animals…playing with certain nurses at night…impersonating a general…Ho-John…being a C.O….Tuttle…Christmas…Radar…BJ… 

Sometimes when I lie awake at night I can almost hear their voices.  All of them…

_"Wait for it…Choppers!"_

_"What happens in the event that figure 'A' is attracted to figure 'B' and wants to get married. But figure 'A' is already married to figure 'C' and figure 'B' is engaged to figure 'D' but figure 'A' can't keep his hands of figure 'B' because she's got such a great figure."  
"Well…according to the army, they just have to forget it."  
"Figures."_

_"Radar your little friend and I just had another shower together. I think he's trying to have an affair with one of my corns."_

_"There are so many things I was sure I'd have in my life by now. Every birthday reminds me of what's still not there. This just turned out to be another day in the middle of nowhere."_

_"Look, all I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war and rule number one is young men die. And rule number two is doctors can't change rule number one."_

_"I'd sooner share my toothbrush with a Democrat."_

_"I'm sick of hearing about the wounded. What about all the thousands of wonderful guys who are fighting this war without any of the credit or the glory that always goes to those lucky few who just happen to get shot."_

_"I've got a soft spot for Klinger. He looks a little like my son, and he dresses a lot like my wife."_

_"Here's a mover and a groover and it ain't by Herbert Hoover. It's for all you animals and music lovers."_

_"Boy seeing the way you guys work with the wounded, the way you deal with burned up legs, ripped up bellies. Makes me proud every time I throw up."_

_"Don't mind Pierce and Hunnicutt, they're both first rate surgeons. Sure, they'll show up to role call in their bathrobes. They keep a still in their tent. Once they ran all my underwear up the flagpole. But I want you to understand it's an honor to serve with these men."_

_"Know this. You can cut me off from the civilized world. You can incarcerate me with two moronic cellmates. You can torture me with your thrice daily swill, but you cannot break the spirit of a Winchester. My voice shall be heard from this wilderness and I shall be delivered from this fetid and festering sewer."_

_"Major Burns, haven't you ever had a pet of your own?"  
"Just a canary. Never sang a note and it bit me."_

Sometimes I'll be talking to Dad and he'll say something that will remind me of something that happened in the 4077th. And I'll break out into laughter, I must sound insane to him, and sometimes I won't be able to stop laughing for twenty minutes.

I miss them all so terribly that I have a tendency to cry myself to sleep. I just miss their faces so much. I miss them all…I…If I could go back in time and the war had to still go on…I would do it all over again, just the same.

Just the same.

Good-bye my friends. 'Til we meet again.


End file.
